My Two Tuesday Cents

This is neither a brave post of sorts, nor a rant. But a mere expression of thought, or my unworthy two cents of what has become. I am not a brave soul, neither do I claim to be one (or intend to at that), yet it’s Tuesday and one and a half days have passed since what has happened. In all honesty, it is still Monday but I know it would be nightfall by the time I get about finishing this.

While it would be unfair to say that I am not affected by what takes place, blame it on the genetic makeup and the ongoing qualms of the personal belief systems, I do know that the riots are bothering me. I might not be too explicit about it but when I see my kind fight each other, the child in me simply asks, “Why?”

It has been a long time since I accepted that we were all one kind, irrespective of the supposed racist I claimed to be while I lived in India. On the contrary, I nurtured within me a deep love for the country, its people and everything else that came with it. Now, the supposedly mature person I have become no longer fights for “her kind” that rallies against “his kind”. While streaks of feminism still lie in me as the highlights on my hair since last Summer, it is only a matter of time before my hair grows longer and I get a new hair cut.

When the Sandra Bullock movie, Miss Congeniality mocked world peace, we all laughed a long in the name of comedy. But little did we know that those blonde babes had more sense than we do in wishing for a world filled with stability.

Some have called this the reincarnation or perhaps the start of such a reincarnation of the 1983 Black July. On the same light I have friends who avoid all forms of “reported media” on the claim of partiality and the mere fact of it being reported. Perhaps if we were all as dismissive about life, the world might be a happier place.

From the heartless to the “hearty”, here’s my parting word of Tuesday advise:

My parting word of advise for you babies <3
My parting word of advise for you babies ❤ (c) Google Images

 

On Comparison

I POSTED ON A TOOSDAY.

LOL.

I am officially loosing losing it.

Lol.

So today’s post is a leetle thought that struck my leetle mind while riding back home today. I was in a tuki so there was more room for thinking and less room for decision making such as, “Should I overtake” or even better, the “Thou shall never pass for I am a bitch” rule of driving.

That is when it struck my wee little head about how unaccomplished we all feel. Or is it under-accomplished? I’m not too sure of the difference actually. Given that I have been on a ‘forgetting’ spree followed by a ‘I-don’t-know-what-happens-after-this’ spree over the last few days, I seem to be checking less boxes and crossing off less lists. Less lists. Alliteration FOR THE WIN matey.

It is at moments like this, especially traffic, (have I mentioned on how much I love traffic?) that I ponder about what I have done in life and mostly, what I haven’t done in life. I started studying once again, but where that is going I cannot say. I would be thrilled to leave to wherever to read for my Masters but that brings me to the question of if I would want to be away from the country again because of both personal and career reasons. Work is going great noh, why should I leave that now? But wait, wasn’t that exactly what my lecturers back in uni warned me of?

Sigh. All about making money eh.
Sigh. All about making money eh. (c) Google Images

Sigh.

Decisions.

Trying to be an adult.

Endless rants and blog posts of things we want to do, objectives we want to fulfil but for most of the part, remain undone.

It is in this context do I remember Cristian Mihai. One of my all-time favourite bloggers, I am yet to read one of his novels yes, but his posts just take the words right out of my mouth. I dislike that use of phrase (my gutter mind agrees on this too) but that is exactly what it feels like. He is of the same age I believe, and while I take solace in the fact that crazy bizarre ideas that occur while brushing my teeth are universal, my inability to make these words (as) universal, maybe because I am caught up with other work or perhaps my inability to write as he does, yet feel exactly what he does and being unable to articulate it thus, often cripples me. Or makes me near-Bran-cripply.

But then, I’m not too sure.

a) Do I Google myself a metre of achievement slash accomplishment and see if I fit the bill?

b) Yet, by whose standards?

c) Definitely not what our good lady Austen advocated for I’m sure.

d) If there is no measure and if we are all differently-gifted or a ‘different kind of smart’ should we build our own gauge here?

e) If so, who else would be in that gauge but me?

Confoosed. Google has no answers and neither does this man I am a fan of.

(No) Blast from the Past

So, I went to India. YAY. I know right. Except, there wasn’t much YAY there. Well, for starters, I went for work and to Delhi slash later to Madhya Pradesh so I suppose the ‘lack of Bangalore’ may have resulted in feelings of ‘non-familiarity’. Hmm. I dunno. Or I might be overly hormonal today.

The journey alone was fine, with no qualms of sorts. I never had an innate travel bug and don’t think I would be embracing one either. There are a few places I have to go, someday but yeah that wouldn’t be for work. I hope. Lol.

I had always associated India with a sense of growing up, learning, being away but being here sort of a thing. I suppose it may have been immaturity from my end that would’ve expected more of that. Or perhaps, it’s a feeling of nostalgia and lack of that make me yearn for what is no longer.

Below are a few pics I put up on Instagram and Twitter. An update post of sorts is required, will see to it soon.

Walking the fields of gold.
Walking the fields of gold.

IMG_20140324_084030
Orchcha Palace, Madhya Pradesh.

 

 

BjkaOT-CMAAUD-Y
One of those panorama thingies.

When Adults Fail

I’m writing this post _way_ in advance (read, Saturday) only because I’m not too sure if I could get in another post on time for Tuesday and of course there is post #175 and the Burger King treat.

Adults failing. This has been on mind a while. Seeing a rise in the number of ‘adult failings’ too, doesn’t really contribute positively towards this cause either. Call me judgemental, which I am, but here is what I classify as ‘adult failings’.

  1. Being overly in debt.
  2. Having unruly children.
  3. Realising that the marriage that isn’t going anywhere but continuing to remain married.
  4. Inadequate savings.
  5. Happy accidents (?!) and more chairs to the dining table.

My classification of ‘adults’ are those of Generation Y. At this moment, I conveniently classify myself a ‘child’ and all those belonging to the parents’ generation as ‘adults’. Thank you.

Please note that each of these situations are supported by real life examples known to me and while this is not meant to divulge information of their concerns, it is post to help me understand as to why these things happen?

To err is human. However, as a child, I don’t think this statement is true for adults.

As my plea as a child is, if ‘adults’ or ‘parents’ make mistakes, what examples do you set for us children? Do we have an ideal fairytale to fall back on in real life? 

For most of us ‘disturbed’ children, the lack of exemplary adults has led to us forming misconceptions of our lives and our entry into adulthood.

As my post on relationships said a few days ago, I am of the firm belief that any ‘romantic’ relationship I find myself in is bound to come to an end, due to lack of compromise from my end. This has happened before and due to the mental construct I continue to formulate in my little head, I may subconsciously continue to tell myself the same mantra, every time I meet someone new. 

While I agree that certain failings in adults are due to mistakes they did in their childhood / early adult years, I wonder if Gen Y realises that there is a new breed of children belonging to Gen X who is scared of letting themselves out in society, falling in love, getting married, having children and even not having enough savings.

As witness and subject to the failings of these adults, I have become a person scared of all of the above situations. At the same time I give myself abundance of importance and consider myself imperishable. Lol.

I dunno. Maybe there should be a proper handbook on how these things are done. Clearly our folks’ generation seem to go by a hit or miss rule. Some of us over here are debating life, individuality and struggles to mediate between that of which is native and ‘adopted from the West’. The thought of what Gen Y’s ‘misses’ would do when they conquer the world however, now that is not a very a sunny thought.

On Seeking Happiness

I know the Tuesday post is late but hey, it’s still Tuesday and also, it’s a holiday. I’m exempted. Muhaha.

We’ve dealt on this sometime before, a few times even, but I thought it’s about time the topic was revisited. Like *cough* ‘love’, happiness for me is one of those complex, cannot-be-explained topics. I don’t quite deal as much with the former, as I believe in restricting myself to ‘popular beliefs’, however, happiness is a curious thing. Most of us are yet to find things that keep us happy, for a while longer than a new pair of shoes or a freshly mowed lawn. Some of us are also yet to find that person that supposedly keeps us happy. For those who have, kudos, may happiness stay with you for as long as the sun continues to rise. For those who haven’t, it’s about time we take a look at our alternate options. There aren’t many, but yes we could find something half as interesting.

I’ve expressed my silent promotions for monotony before. Even content, to some extent is monotonous and subject to more stability. I find immense joy in doing the most boring of tasks, ironing, washing clothes and other household chores that do not require much creativity (housewife, FTW). It’s laborious in its own way but at the end of the chore, your mind is hopefully clear on whatever that took place, pre-chore-time and you have a cleaner house. Voila. Two pigs with one bird. There are of course other methods in which one can attain monotony and trip for hours to end (this is the post-I Love Una me talking) and still attain the same level of supposed self actualisation.

Then you get the stuff that require some amount of creativity or right brain activity. For me, it’s usually writing or cooking. Playing a sport too, (an art in my opinion) requires a good deal of this. Or even yoga. Or doing make up tutorials on YouTube.

The post is a little disjoint and lotsa loose ends that require to be tied up. I might revisit it someday, but if I don’t, humble apologies. Just one of those days and periods in life where the timer in the oven is yet to ring.

For me, happiness is a big pie everyone wants a piece of. I hope you find yours before this one runs out. But in case you don’t, it’s still okay. God throws in refills at regular intervals.

Out of Office Reply

Have you ever come up with the title before the post? Well I have, did it with this also. I used to do that from poetry days. Clearly the poetry doesn’t happen anymore. Tsk. Also, I think the title-first approach was a result of the 200-cast Director during College days. Some branding technique she seemed to manipulate, not as effectively though. So yes, hence the name.

This was actually supposed to be one of those explanatory posts on the self-imposed hiatus. I also seem to be avoiding people. And going partially vegetarian. Ohmygawd. I think the world is coming to an end.

On a more serious note, I’m currently going through what my Nepali friend likes to call ‘quarter life crisis’. Life is being tough on me or rather, I am making it so for myself. Decisions are being made, however what lies ahead is a blurry line of things. Tsk. Lookie my sad references also, you get the idea noh.

So here’s a warning to anyone who might be reading this. Blogging might be sporadic. Along with tweeting, eating and meeting people. I don’t know how to nicely say that I’m taking a break from life, but that seems to best define the phase.

Until life seems right again.
Lau to all.

Of Conformity

The importance of this post knows no bounds. Last night’s post is still sitting in my drafts.

While studying for my supplementary slash back paper in psychology last night I read that frustration is caused by others who block or keep you from reaching a particular goal. Whereas stress is caused by more individualistic reasons such as procrastination. So it is frustration that a certain individual maybe subject to at this moment in time.

So the two-day bandh. Or strike. Await my next post for that. See what I did there. Winks. The newspapers this morning said that there private institutions were not functioning, or in reality this would be translated to the decision being at the discretion of the said private institution. So the one I attend, decided to have college. Since it is a norm to work on holidays.

My roommate and I drag our bums out of bed and drag our feet – in a three-wheeled vehicle – to college. I attend college and then there are almost half of them saying that they don’t want to attend class. My only question being, “IF YOU DID NOT WANT TO ATTEND CLASS OR WANTED A HOLIDAY, WHY THE FUCK DID YOU NOT STAY AT HOME?” There are some of us who either need attendance – given the required 85% – or genuinely enjoy attending class and learn something. There are a few of us who are not intelligent enough to read and learn things on their own. WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM.

I don’t think I ever could conform to the likings of a majority, or in this case the voice of the dominant few. Solidarity never seemed to function well in the contexts I was a subject to.

I still don’t understand why some people are unable to understand the purpose in which they decided to come to college, which is to learn and do whatever else that you can do while being a student.

I think I need to go dancing.

#3 India Posting

Yes. Another one of the many late nights. Many late nights that have passed and of that are yet to come. As in the case of last night, work awaits, yet the Art must go on. It is the solace for those of us who seek it.

Today I did not learn, but realised that life and time are elements that – as I do not wish to generalise – take for granted. It is not as though I have much of it left with me, given its unpredictable nature. Yet I do not do anything with it, or about it. Because I take time for granted. Because I start sentences with ‘because’.

It’s been a few abstract days. Abstract why, I do not know. I do not wish to know. It is most convenient not knowing why.

It may be stringed together with the thought of going back. I am beginning to find my ‘self’, or at least I think I am starting to. Or at least like to think thus. Shoos away the hollowness easily.

Or it might even be a mixture of thoughts floating about, like most of my answer scripts. There is no will power to summon. Submission, seems to be the word of the day.

I blame this on the twenty-something-fucked-up-ness.