Probably wouldn’t make sense. Words in my head, which is not really of any coherence. Probably wouldn’t (re)read.

***

“We’re all mad here.”

― Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

Can we please stop to talk about bad timing? Or bad luck, (which I don’t really believe in). Or just how things happen when you are not really ready for it.

About how you get something you are not prepared for.

When you receive something that you were not looking for in particular and then you are unsure how to move forward with it now that you have it.

Or worse, something you wanted so long ago. It’s now. Right here. In front of you. Suddenly things are going in the direction they were supposed to so long ago and it is happening now, right in front of your eyes and you don’t know to deal with it.

Does that happen to you too? Is it just me? How do you (not over)react to these situations? Is there a protocol you are supposed to follow? Is this how adulting works? Do you keep it cool and breathe it all in, just like your meditation audiobook said? How the fuck are you supposed to handle all of everything that’s happening without acting like a chaotic mess of a child?

Why couldn’t it happen sooner? Like yesterday, or two months ago? Why couldn’t the sale happen when you were buying the outfit and not the very next day? Why couldn’t you stop being the completely fool you were so many months ago than trying to be the perfect manifestation of all things great right in front of me right now when this is not what I need now? I know it’s chaotic. It’s childlike. But, why couldn’t things happen sooner. Earlier. Why is it sometimes always difficult to get what you want, all the time. Why is it harder for some of us than it is for others. Or is this what it seems like in my head.

Am I (over)thinking it? Is it not as hard?

Is this the end? Are we all mad?