It took me a few too many days to log back into my WordPress account, perhaps a sign that I should be present here a little more.
11 January 2024
We are 11 days into 2024, and I’m still trying to recap my 2023. And a funny story, given how little I wrote here the past year, I had so much difficulty logging back into this app and had to contact support, LOL.
But this time’s reflections are slightly different. I don’t know if it’s because I feel pressed for time, but I haven’t looked back a lot on the previous annual reflections, mostly because I’m lazy and also because I feel like so much happened last year that I feel like it needs its own slate, not marred by my own writing from the years before if that even makes sense. I also feel like this time’s recap slightly differs from the style I usually do them in. I’m not apologetic about it; I’m just letting you know, haha.
So, without further ado, here are my takeaways from 2023 in no particular order.
However, we will add our usual disclaimer of privilege – the privilege I have of living in the Middle East, the resources and safety I have access to, etc., which might also have shaped a few of these thoughts.
Prioritising Values
We talk a lot about values, and to be honest, if someone asked me to describe what “values” are, I would probably say that they are synonymous with one’s priorities. And for me, that is family and close friends. In the true fashion of growing older, 2023 brought fewer friends, which I now consider a good thing because there are only a few people to spoil and gift endlessly, hoping they would forever stay in my life. #WishfulThinking
But I think, at the same time, being physically away has brought in a lot more perspective. When I think back to the last time I was away in India, it was different because I was younger and had little to no responsibilities (and made no money, lol). True, I still have no kids, pets, or plants, but at least those around me think I’m responsible enough to do certain things, haha. But 2023 has definitely been a year that helped me bring this to light a little more.
What am I doing with my time?
I started time blocking in 2023 and started having weekly, monthly and quarterly check-ins with myself. I also did a few Excels to note my goals – I had a generic idea of what they were but not necessarily listed; I rehashed my finance tracker and started tracking my workouts.
I took some time to count and found out that I had engaged in some form of movement for 163 days last year. I use this phrase in a very fluid manner. This includes gym workouts – I signed up with a virtual PT and joined the gym in the next building for better equipment and to deal with fewer gym bros. I did more yoga and Pilates as my gym also has workout classes. I went to the park more, and in December, for COP28, I clocked in almost 12,000 steps a day, and yes, I count that in as a “workout” especially with my 6-8kg bag.
Last Saturday, I spent a few hours outdoors having a meeting with myself and three different cocktails, mapping out what these meetings would ideally look like in the coming weeks and months and setting up tentative agendas and dates for myself for these check-ins. I suppose this might sound silly to some, but for some of us who don’t quite have a lot of things to look forward to, seeing these dates marked out on your calendar allows us to show up, if that makes sense.
I began noting down some of these reflections as well, and what becomes out of it, I don’t know, but it’s for me to better understand what’s been working and what hasn’t.
What am I doing with my money?
Along the same lines, I’ve also been looking at my finances a lot more, and while living in the UAE has definitely tapped harder into my role as a consumer in a way that I didn’t know was possible, I think prioritising time and values has also taught me that while making money and building savings is good and of course advisable, it’s okay if you know what your threshold limits are and you take time off or in other words “slack”. Again, please note that I speak from privilege, without direct dependents or any existing debt. 2024 was off to a good start, too, but then the Dubai Shopping Festival is taking place, haha. But shopping aside, I think being where I am has also helped bring an understanding of spending some money on better quality things, which means you consume less-ish in the long run. It’s too early to tell, though, so this might be idealistic.
To add to the money side of things – I began allocating a lot more money than I did previously for my general well-being. As mentioned, I signed up with a virtual PT, joined a gym, bought a pair of workout shoes, and spent more time educating myself on health/and fitness. This has been a privilege, and I would strongly recommend it to anyone who finds it accessible.
The slow life is a privileged life.
Last year, we saw the rise of the slow life on our social media. The conversation around slow life has been popping up more frequently since COVID-19, with everyone also working from home. We all started collectively demonising hustle culture, toxic work environments, etc. While there is absolutely nothing wrong with it, we sometimes forget that we can only do so because we are privileged enough to. Some, if not most, still need to hustle, work multiple jobs, and remain in toxic environments because they have responsibilities and dependents and genuinely need the money to make ends meet. This has also been really eye-opening for me as well, who has been taking things slower during the last few months without realising my privilege and ability to do so.
Professional achievement isn’t for all.
Continuing on the same lines, and after learning in my mid-20s that hustling is toxic, I learned in my early 30s that it’s okay to stay where you are if that brings you peace of mind. Not chasing after the next big thing in terms of career, freelancing, or my professional life, in general, has freed up some of my time to help plan out the passion projects that I’ve been sitting in my notes and various task manager apps I’ve been using for years.
Speaking of work – I found myself back in the development sector as we closed 2023. It was a strange yet surreal experience, and I still don’t think I’ve found the right words to articulate this. When I left this part of my life in 2021 for all the reasons that I did, I don’t think I would have found myself back there again. If COP28 didn’t take place in the UAE, I don’t think I would’ve been a part of this world once again either. But for the first time in my nearly 7 (8?) year-long stint working in comms in the development sector, I finally felt like I knew what I was doing. I know that sounds silly, I know it sounds highly naive for someone in their 30s to say, but sometimes there are those of us who are not assertive enough or do not possess the ability to question what’s wrong or to even question to better clarify what’s going on. I’m unsure if the stint ended during those two weeks, but I am very grateful.
And interestingly, we can still try new things. I taught myself teaching a yoga class, first to six, then to sixteen and then co-leading a meditation/vigil session for Gaza. I’m not sure how I would still rate my confidence overall, but if you asked me a few years ago if this was something I would’ve done, I would’ve probably said no.
No expectations for better mental health
In 2023, I expected less and less of all those around me and the world around me in general and may have expected more from myself but in a controlled manner, if that makes sense. I am happy to report that this sense of “no expectations” has led to very few mental breakdowns (which may have also been scared away anyway by the cost/lack of psychiatric services in the UAE, haha!). But my mental health, in general, was in check, and sure, there were spells of deep distress and emotion that happened in intervals too frequent for my liking, but I think I’ve managed to identify what these triggers are by now and work towards them.
Heartbreak is still very real.
I don’t think I spoke about it a lot on my social media, but in 2023, I experienced perhaps the worst heartbreak (driven by romantic relationships) I ever had in my adult life.
I didn’t think such pain and emotions were possible, and I always shunned (and even trivialised) how the entertainment industry made it seem more dramatic than it should be. But it was brutal, and it happened in waves, very similar to the ways in which we accept and learn to deal with grief, but many months after, I think we are doing okay, friends. I’m not sure how this has and will impact my future romantic relationships, to be honest, because we are the generation that tends to build a fort of protection following rough episodes of this and leaves any possible room for romance or connection. But for now, we are okay. And in all honesty, I don’t think I can afford a relationship in this economy.
Also, as a side note, because we are also the apologetic generation, I am very “loose” with my use of “grief” and do not mean to offend anyone in any way.
Is redemption possible?
Palestine did a lot of things to me, especially shedding light on the brutality of our own “war” in Sri Lanka that “ended” in 2009. I always take pride in saying that I don’t regret anything in life, even the heartbreak from earlier because I like to look at it from the lens of learning. But the ignorance I had as an eighteen-year-old towards my own peers during the time of war is something I am truly ashamed of. I reached out to a friend regarding this, and she said that redemption and awareness, even much later in life, are possible. I’m not sure if this sits too well with me as I am not one for second chances, even with myself. Perhaps marred by past experiences, I do think it’s difficult for people to “change”, especially so drastically, but – and I’m not saying this as an excuse to cover up my ignorance and lack of choosing to seek the right information back then – perhaps there is a chance of learning and opportunity of doing better? I really don’t know, friends.
If it’s within your means, please always do more.
But what’s happening in Palestine is truly devastating. For the first time, we see a genocide coming live to us from those on the ground and not through the 08:00 PM news bulletin that speaks of the “xx number of people that were killed in collateral damage”, which you, unfortunately, get used to hearing when living in a country at war. However, I think what’s tragic (and that’s such a poor choice of words) is that there is NOTHING we can do besides educate ourselves and help educate others. Before publishing this, I looked at what I wrote in 2022 and spoke about volunteering your resources, be it money or time. In this case, you can do more by learning, creating awareness and contributing to the conversation. Please don’t be complacent. Where I live currently, it’s so easy to be completely unaware of what’s happening because there is no direct access to it unless you really look for it. Everything is great here – including the weather in general (and even when it’s too hot, the air conditioning is such a charm). However, don’t keep that from trying to do more or learn more.
Given that it’s taken me so long to not only access my own blog but also write this and not look at what I had done previously, I’m not sure how this goes down. And if it seems like a chore about me complaining that I have to write this, honestly, it isn’t, haha. I did truly want to start working on it sooner, but we all know how life gets in the way.
If you made it this far, thank you for being here here, and as always, thank you for reading.
I hope last year has been a year of learning and loving for you, and I hope 2024 is kinder to you. I hope it brings you the love and success you deserve.
#ThinkSunny🌻
Seniinthebox 