Hi, my friends. How are you holding up? If you are in Sri Lanka currently, I don’t want you to answer that. Because honestly, I don’t know how many of us are at this point. This is going to be one of those stream-of-consciousness-esq pieces. If that’s not your kind of thing, then it would be wise to not read it.

I just need to vent right now. I don’t know if I can do this to anyone around me because it’s a lot. I don’t know if you know this about me, but I can’t fully articulate how I feel (out loud). I somehow do this better in writing, or so I am hoping. I’m angry. I’m also really hurt. I think the last time I felt this heartbroken was post-Easter Attacks.

I recently went to Bangalore for a few days for some personal work. It was surreal. I travelled to Bangalore nine years after I graduated. Bangalore is home to me – always has been, always will. So much had changed. Changed for the better. As I spoke to my friends and laughed about how far the city I call home had progressed, I couldn’t help but think how little we have over here in Colombo. Not only have regressed in infrastructure development and leadership but most of us have lost the will to keep moving forward.

And I understand that this is not the concern of the hour.

People are dying in queues waiting for essentials. Many families are unable to put three meals on the table. My loss of morale is not significant in the grand scheme of things.

But, I don’t know about you, but I feel like we have failed. We have failed our people, those before us, our generation and the ones who would come after. Yes, the protests were “successful” and we ousted the President, but how are we moving forward from here? We have lost so much. So much. We’ve lost countless lives because of war, riots and political unrest and the pandemic and economic crisis combined, we have lost some of our productive years. I’m so sorry if this is a rant that’s completely meaningless and reserved for the upper-middle class of Colombo, but how are you coping?

I feel like as a people we have been unable to give enough of ourselves to others. I spoke about my privilege earlier and how it makes me feel responsible for certain things, which are even out of my control.

For what it’s worth, I am sorry for everything we have done for those around us. It’s not about embracing someone else’s blame or wrongdoings. Neither am I trying to appropriate the struggle of the people. It’s knowing that we are leaving a lot less for everyone else perhaps because we didn’t try hard enough.

I’m going to close this by saying that I am leaving. For at least a while. I don’t know what’s next and I don’t know what happens from here.

But for now, it’s goodbye.