Hi my friends, hope you have been well. This is definitely not the post I’ve been wanting to put up here but well, many things don’t go as planned, do they? Also, because this is slightly different to what I usually write – which mind you, even I quite am not sure of anymore, I’ll not be sharing as extensively because 🤷🏽‍♀️ But here we are.

When I say the “word of the month”, I’m giving you no guarantee that this will continue the next month or the one after that. I really am not promising anyone any consistency anymore. Not even myself. Because I can’t. Recent conversations have been around the spiral staircase we are going to plant in the middle of our house. From looking for a cellar door to fit into the spiral staircase separating the two floors. To, of course, my personal favourite, spiralling out of control.

It’s been trying, friends. I don’t know how you are holding up. Are you really well? Honestly though? Is this natural going into the third year of the pandemic? When you feel like you have everything together but then nothing is actually together? If you understood that sentence, trust me, I’m with you on that too. If you didn’t, you are among the lucky few and I have nothing but good thoughts coming your way.

But what if this isn’t caused by the pandemic? What if it’s just our sad pathetic self-centred selves going through another one of those existential crises that we often find difficult to comprehend BECAUSE EVERYTHING AROUND IS SO DAMN GREAT? We still have food on our table, a roof over our head, jobs that pay and definitely a sufficient entertainment budget despite the rising inflation and cost of living but our sorry millennial self has to find a reason to make it difficult for us and everyone around AND not be grateful because that’s what we are best at doing isn’t it?

Phew.

That was a long fucking sentence.

I have been told one too many times that my sentences are too long. Since I was in school. But that sentence, man. The fact that I wrote it while thinking out loud in my head makes me gasp for breath. Give me a minute. I really need to catch my breath.

No, it’s not covid. Thankfully, we get tested regularly because of work now. So maybe the shortness of breath is caused by anxiety. Or uncertainty. Take your pick. Or the fact that we haven’t done enough because everyone around us seems to be achieving more. Doing more. Living better lives. While we, spiral out of control.

And for my friends reading this. I am fine, really. Please don’t call me till Monday. I have classes all weekend and when I don’t have classes I’ll be sleeping or playing Stardew Valley or The Sims 4. This is just something that has been on my mind lately and thought of putting it out there to the greater universe because I know that it’s not just me here.

Stay safe, my loves. I don’t know if things would be better soon but as one of my friends from university once said, “Once you hit rock bottom, there is no way to go but up.”