Hi, you! Yes, you, you the one reading this. How are you? Thanks for dropping by and trying to see what’s been written. It’s been a while, I know. I decided that I should stop calling myself a “writer” because I don’t really write anymore, do I? I don’t actually know what I even do anymore and it’s safe to say that I don’t go out much, save for those who know me, because I feel uncomfortable answering that question. I think I always did. But recently more so, perhaps with the amount of integrity I’ve lost on the job too. Integrity to myself in not writing the words I want to or giving life to the stories that haunt my waking thoughts.
But I thought I’d write anyway.
How are you? If you are in Colombo, how have you been coping after April? Have you been able to move beyond what’s happened or move forward? Have any of your relationships being severed as a result of this?
I’m sorry I’m asking all these seemingly personal questions but these are ones that keep me up at night. I’ve been having trouble falling asleep at night since the beginning of the year, now added to that is having to wake up multiple times at night and investigate as to if things are in order or double check if that noise from actually just the cat from God knows where. Also, I wake up earlier than expected, even before the alarm goes off. I guess, some circumstances probably make other situations right.
How is your spirit though?
It’s an odd one isn’t it. An older, more learned gentleman, who was old enough to remember the events of ’83, popped by at one of the workplaces recently and spoke to us about how April left his spirit broken once again. I realised, despite not having been born in ’83, that’s exactly what has happened this time around. I wanted to ask him how long it was until he found the will to revive his spirit but it wasn’t the right time.
However, what was reiterated earlier, still stands true. This time around, I didn’t put it out to the universe to hold me accountable to it or to make sure it came true, like during other times where I would tell people that I would go to Kerala to reawaken my chi (or something to that extent), which I ended up doing, or the much spoken of Annapurna base camp trek this Autumn. No, this time around, it was words in my mind that I had to write, somewhere. And perhaps, the universe heard its calling, because nothing has changed since and I am still leaving.
But until I leave, tell me, how do you go about your day? What are your waking thoughts? What thoughts do you go to sleep with? What do you think about while you are in the shower? Are you still broken? Is there anything you do to make yourself better? Is there a prescription you are willing to share?
Tell me, how are you able to move forward?